It’s extremely confusing for you who thought all along that everything was going impeccably, and all of a sudden you are left trying frantically to pinpoint what may have gone wrong to cause a change in your partner’s behavior. Almost all of us experienced a blow-off like this at least once, but probably more.
In fact this is such a common phenomenon that you can find a ton of literature trying to explain why men pull away even from a stable relationship. There are many articles published every week around this theme trying to shed light to the fact that in a flash he’s making himself scarce and disconnected from you. As we said before when we talked about why men lose interest, this sudden fade-out does not happen to men only; it quite often happens to women as well. Although women pull away when there is a problem in the relationship, it may not always be the case with men. Men feel the need to fade-out or retreat from time to time for different reasons that (may or) may not be related to the success of the relationship.
We will talk about women’s retreat in another article but let’s review now how you can avoid getting hurt by catching up in such a cold fade zone ever again. If you get familiar with why men pull away, you can most certainly take precautions to protect yourself from it or to prevent it from happening all together.
Are you on his side?
We know that even the most secure looking man would have a fragile ego that you need to boost quite often, mostly in subtle ways. Being appreciated is a great need that dominates his manhood. If he’s not in a relationship where he’s appreciated he will pull away from it and find the next “best” woman who can appreciate him. He may not do everything the way you want him to, but being his biggest fan or better being his team mate and appreciating his efforts will put you miles ahead and in a secure position in the relationship. Kindness and love words should be used to recognize his efforts. This is not to say that you should never tell him what’s not OK with you, but please make the distinction here. Just never stop being his biggest fan!
Too much bonding too soon?
Scientifically speaking hormone levels start to change when people are in a relationship. Oxytocin that is responsible for intimacy is also referred to as the bonding hormone or love hormone for facilitating the trust between individuals. This complex hormone also evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security when in the company of the mate. Some studies also show that it modulates fear and anxiety and it affects males and females differently. While estrogen hormone has been shown to stimulate the release of oxytocin, when oxytocin is released in men, their testosterone levels decrease causing them more fear, anxiety and stress. To make the story short he may find comfort in pulling away and adjusting back his testosterone levels so that he can go back to the normal state of being happy and satisfied again. Does it make sense?
Do you think he ‘clicked’ all the way?
This is one of those things that you really can’t predict. Everything on the paper might sound perfect but when one person does not click, he or she will feel the lack of that irreplaceable connection. He would or could try hard to click anyway but it may never happen. In this case it’s better to let him swift away as you do not want him to give you this excuse several years down the road.
Is he certain that you’re the ONE?
It is not easy for a guy to give up his “idea” of freedom. And he usually needs more time to figure out his feelings for you and might be feeling torn between taking this relationship to the next level or “losing” his freedom all together. And you have to see that it’s not an easy stage to be in for a guy. He will need to retreat in that case to overcome his uncertainty. You have to encourage him to have his own freedom while you’re enjoying yours (because remember your life does not revolve around his either!). Only like this he will start to appreciate being with someone as wonderful as you.
Is he feeling pressured?
There is always that crucial point in a relationship where you have to only go forward. You can’t date each other forever, can you? Some men will be freaked out by this stage of the relationship. Again freedom concerns will kick-in. But he might feel the pressure from you on making a decision about the future of this amazing relationship too. He also knows that things need to move forward but he needs his “calm” time to decide whether that’s the way he’d like to go. There could be different scenarios if he wants to stop moving forward. You could either move on too or try to get him back.
Does he want the same things you want?
Did your relationship start on the same premise? You may not be on the same page in terms of what you expect from each other and your relationship. It is possible that he may not be as emotionally invested in the relationship as you are. If you know yourself well enough and outlined all of your “can’t do withouts”, you should never date a man who is not capable of delivering those to you to begin with. Your relationship needs should be met and you may come across men with limitations to make it happen. When a guy realizes that he’s not on the same page with you, he will start to pull away. It will hurt but just let him go as you need somebody who will have the same goals as you and is capable of cultivating a healthy and strong relationship together with you.
Is it possible that he’s actually busy?
If he’s feeling stressed about his job or things outside your relationship, he will most certainly retreat to collect himself and figure out how to handle the stress factors. Unlike women, men may not right away seek help to resolve their issues and problems. They may simply prefer to work through their issues on their own. A man needs his space and his time to do this. Pressuring him to be responsive at all times will just work against you in this case. Just let him be and when the pressure is off, discuss with him in detail what happened, how he felt and how it made you feel.
Bad news: there is someone else!
This is one of the common reasons why men pull away. And unfortunately they do not enough courage to tell you the truth. Even though this doesn’t mean that hope is completely lost in regards to repairing this relationship and getting him back, again you have to make sure that you are not chasing after somebody whose heart and mind won’t be with you no matter what you do.
It is a difficult task to understand a man. Most of the time he would have hard time himself to figure out his emotions. You have to find comfort in the fact that not each case of fading out is a result of a relationship problem. It’s natural that both parties pull away from each other from time to time to redefine their center. That’s essential to nurture a healthy and positive relationship. It’s important for you to understand that when the need to pull away happens to a man, you have to continue to be your wonderful self, to appreciate him for who he’s and for his efforts, and to enjoy his company. There is no need to feel out of control, jealous, or insecure. Do not force him to behave in a manner that doesn’t feel natural to him because it will work against you.