Why Do Men Lie? Find Out About 10 Possible Reasons...
Trust is one of the most important factors in our lives in any kind of relationship we are in, if not the most important. To build trust in a relationship you have to be completely honest with the other person. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone who betrays our trust. Communication is the key to relationships and open communication and honesty seem to be the sole key to trust.
It's not a surprise that for most women, trust is the most valuable component of the relationship. If she can trust him fully and completely, most of her relationship issues would not exist. This is why most women will have “honesty” as the first word that comes to mind after “funny” when they are asked what they are looking for in a guy. But the cold hard truth is that men lie. Women do too, of course, but men do it far more often and for much different reasons.
Although lies are not worth it for many reasons, most men won't realize that. This is most of the time an escape from dealing with the reality which could require more work.
One distinction we have to make: we are not talking about compulsive liars here. Those belong to a different category and extremely difficult to handle in a sane way. People who date or get married with compulsive or pathological liars are in a very challenging place because for these people telling lies is a routine regardless of the situation and they are simply addicted to it. So if you suspect that your man is a compulsive liar you should seek help for him and for yourself.
Otherwise keep reading to find out why men lie and how you can avoid contributing to his temptation to lie...
1. Because he thinks he’s helping. This is another way of saying "he's trying hard not to upset you". He thinks that upsetting you might lead to a fight and even much more, so he chooses to lie. Of course there are many variations of this kind of lying. If you ask him “Does this dress make me look fat?”, he probably knows very well that it will be quite hard for him to win this battle no matter what his answer is. So he lies. He might also think that you look just gorgeous even if you look fat, and that's the reason he's with you.
2. Because he has a "large" fragile ego. There are many instances in a relationship a man would lie just to cover his shortcomings. It's a way to compensate and to create the buffer zone to protect his ego. Sometimes he would be embarrassed to tell or admit his flaws, mistakes and even failures. Physical appearance could be one reason for this kind of lie, and carrier performances, negative behaviors or sexual issues could be others.
3. Because he may not be handling your expectations. Expectations are big part of a relationship and a friendship, but romantic partners sometimes tend to place more than necessary expectations onto each other. This a very wide range starting from how they should behave to how they should "think" and "feel". And a partner would try to live up to those expectations, because people like to please people they love. But for some reason if he falls short he will try to cover up for this and lie by making up excuses instead of telling the truth.
What they are really doing is trying to avoid the negative income, like a kid would do with their parents. Even this analogy should tell you that one should keep their expectations from her partner at a healthy level. if you do not want to be lied about what you care about keep your expectations at reasonable levels.
4. Because he wants to build up his ego. This lie may not be to you but about his relationship with you. It's usually about performance issues that he would like to share with his male audience. He might lie about his sexual performance, his body and health condition, his financial resources, his family ties, his up bringing, his adventures, escapades and more. This is really a way to pump his ego up. It's never healthy to give a deception about who you are to people. So if you catch your man doing it, you should discuss about it without accusing him. He ought to seek counseling if his lies are out of control, but with the right attitude you can certainly gently guide him to better and real values about his life.
5. Because he’s just not that into you anymore. This is the most unfortunate reason of all: He might be falling out of love, he might be flirting with others, or he might be betraying your confidence in one way or another. In that case his answers will tend to be detached with a lot of qualifiers like "even" in them. Watch out for lack of details. There may not be much you can do in this case other than talking to him openly and asking him what the heck is going on. He might still lie to you, but you just have to do the talk and move on.
6. Because he’s working on something. And this thing he has to resolve it by himself. It could very well be something related to you but could also be an irrelevant issue from work or a chore around the house. If you keep asking very pointed questions about this thing that he is not ready to share, he will most certainly choose to lie.
7. Because he can get away with it. Men think that some lies are so innocent in nature so why not to "embellish" the truth a little bit. They know they can get away with that kind of lies where nobody will check about the truth. This usually ties back to using lies as an ego booster. He might tell you that he was graduated at the top of his class, and he knows you won't bother to check.
8. Because he is afraid that you will create a drama around it when he tells you the truth. Most men think that women are very emotional to a degree that they are unreasonable. Women's reactions to certain things might seem blown out of proportion when he thinks that that was only a well intended word, simple gesture or whatever it's. And unfortunately his perception of the opposite sex might have been altered by some women he knew before you too. Reacting poorly to the truth may not be part of your personality but generally speaking a man would try to avoid any conflict that will make you act like a "psycho".
In order to have a healthy relationship it's a wise idea to keep calm when dealing with uncomfortable situation anyway. So if you are consistent in keeping your cool attitude and reasonable approach chances are very high that he will be willing to be honest with you and share the truth with you.
9. Because he needs a tool to level the power. Lying is a tool both women and men use when they would like to gain control over power. If your man feels powerless and that decisions are constantly made for him, it is definitely not a place he'd like to be. By lying about the circumstances he will feel like he's gaining the upper hand. For example if you're the one who decides on your social outings, he will pretty soon start to come up with work or other engagement excuses. It is normal that power shifts back-and-forth between partners depending on the issue, so make sure that you and him have your shares.
10. Because he might be getting even. Trust is number one factor that would make a relationship work. If someone betrays our trust it's very hard for us to continue to be with them. It's possible that he might be getting even with you if he thinks that you're somehow betraying his trust. In other words if he thinks that you're lying to him, he also would want to hide the truth from you. Are you lying to him?
Final abstract on the eternal question: Why do men lie?
It is impossible not get hurt when you realize that you're being lied to. If more women knew why men lied, it might keep them from getting hurt and disappointed. It could even help women spot lies and liars sooner. In fact, knowing the reasons will also help women pick out the good apples from the bad. When women know why men are lying, not only might they feel more secure in their relationships, but maybe, just maybe, fewer fights will break out by the day’s end.
The bottom line is that men lie for self-preservation most of the time. You might think that his little white lies or big whoppers are reason enough to start a fight, but that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid. And in another instant, he’s doing so because he does not want to hurt your feelings, even if you really deserve the truth. Men in general are not as in touch with their emotions as women, so they can be immature and insecure about opening up. When you understand why he’s shadowing the truth, though, it makes your job that much easier. And when he has a history with you knowing that you handle the truth in a mature way regardless of the situation, he will be that much more willing in the future to give you just that.