How to Heal A Broken Heart
We all have been there, some of us many times. We know that it takes time and effort to recover from a break up. The healing of a broken heart will depend on the seriousness and the length of the relationship, but also on the intensity of our emotions and the level of connection you had with our partner.
Knowing how to heal a broken heart will not ease the process but will give you the right tools towards the healing and re-centering yourself.
Maybe he was kind and gentle, maybe he was a jerk and self centered during the break up; maybe he was in touch with his feelings and gave you enough explanations as to why he wanted this break up, or maybe his goodbye was very short and cold. No matter how the scenario of your break-up was you are hurt, your heart is broken into million pieces and devastation has sunk in.
The initial shock is the hardest part to get over, and with some it takes days, and with others it might take weeks even months depending on many factors. Going from "us" to "me" is not a fast shift but you will get there and you will be much stronger, happier, more confident person than where you started with your lost relationship. That's not only a promise but also the nature of human courtship and relationships.
A few basic rules on the way to healing your broken heart
1. No contact rule: This is an important rule to follow regardless of the possibility or the wish to reunite with your ex. This includes no calling, no texting, no facebook messaging, no bumping into him accidentally, no hanging out with common friends and sharing your emotions and heart break with them. Contacting him, texting him or sending messages showing how miserable you are without him might give you some relief but it will only be temporary. Furthermore it is actually the worse thing you can do to your healing process. This is also just a bad practice even if you want to get back with your ex.
Why are we doing this distancing ourselves? Let's forget about him and his emotions for now. First off and most importantly you need some space and time to grief and evaluate the situation. You need to calm your emotions and disappointments down. Put your regrets and resentments aside and use this time to analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not getting back with your ex is in your best interest. You could be missing him now but he may not be the one for you in the long run. You need this time to see him in the big picture and not in the eyes of a desperate, miserable and insecure woman your feel now.
This staying away and no contact strategy will also give you the power and you will regain control over this unfortunate situation. He would most likely expect you to contact him and be very unpleasant about the break up, to say the least, so that he can prove to himself one more time that breaking up with you was the best thing to do. But by not contacting him right after the break-up you prove him the opposite and don't boost his ego.
2. Learn to enjoy life without your ex: You can absolutely be happy without your ex, in other words you don't need your ex to be happy. You might have had happy moments together but life is not over and be assured that a happier and more fulfilled episode is about to begin for you. But it can only begin with you and in you.
The first step to change is always self-awareness, which comes through self-observation.
3. Take care of yourself: Make positive and lasting changes in your life. Grieving takes time and make sure to give that time to yourself but do not fall into a trap where sitting at home and feeling miserable becomes a habit or life style. No guy is worth it for this. Your life is yours and it's only your responsibility to take care of yourself and not some guy's who failed terribly to appreciate you.
4. Take care of your appearance: A new hair cut or a new hair color will jazz up your physical appearance and boost your morale. This is also the right time to add new pieces to your wardrobe. Get new and attractive cloths as they will help you to restore your self image. Getting body massages and your teeth cleaned are also good ways to work on your appearance. Always be clean and groomed.
5. Exercise: Physical activity is one of best healers of a broken heart. You are not only going to feel healthy but by doing physical activity your will also feel rejuvenated mentally. Sweat shoots out toxins cleansing your body but also helps release hormones (endorphins) that will make you happy, causing you euphoria.
6. Take care of your mental health: Our lives are meant to be work in progress. We constantly have to find the right tools to make the positive shifts and changes in our mental state. A happier and more confident individual should be our aim to become. Do not even get close to self deprecating mental states during this recovery time. Be strong mentally and know that you shall overcome.
7. Yoga and meditation are valuable tools: They will help you to concentrate on the moment and regain focus. They will put you back in touch with your strengths and weaknesses, opening new doors for self awareness and self acceptance. You will be equipped with the confidence you need as you become more aware of the unique person you are.
8. Socialize and limit yourself talking about your heart break: Spending time with friends, family and loved ones is crucial. Surround yourself with people who care about you and with people who can show their care for you with small or big things they do for you. Make sure to have good and care-free time with them. Just laugh and allow yourself to be silly.
9. Keep a journal: This is particularly important during the grieving period but also afterwards. It will help you to get your emotions out but also regulate them. It will especially be helpful during the no-contact period. You can just write your ups and downs in stead of sending your negative feelings out to your ex in a bursting email message. It is valuable to keep track of your emotions and thought process during the recovery time.
10. Date new guys: As soon as you're ready meet new people, enjoy their company for who they are. You need time to get into another serious relationship but meeting new guys will help you to see your options and give you some prospective.
You are 100% responsible for the quality of your life and you relationships. Take necessary steps to align yourself with your powerful true Self and to create a strong, healthy and powerful life.
It boils down to this...
After your grieving period ends, your life needs a "new" you. You might be perfect the way you're but feel free to bring more positive thoughts into your life. Do something nice and fulfilling for yourself everyday. Although it's not a good idea for example to go through a plastic surgery to get rid of that little bump on your nose that bugs you so much now, you can do things that have been inspiring you and you couldn't get around for so long; such as taking art classes, concentrating on existing hobbies, going through a training on a new subject or skill, learning how to play tennis or an instrument etc. All of these new learnings will re-wire the neurons in your brain and bring you closer to the "new" you.
Believe me your heart will heal and be stronger than ever. The new you will be much more attractive than before and if you ever decide to take your ex back, he will be amazed with the happy and confident woman you became.